Watching my son playing, it strikes me that the differences between his outlook on life and mine are worlds apart. He demands, he takes, he lives each moment without concept of consequence. He is unapologetically selfish - and I don't mind a bit. But I wonder at what point he will become aware, as many of the rest of us are, that imposing nothing but our own wants on those around us is something of a drain.
Of course, there are those among us who never realise this. Those who seem totally indifferent to the fact that other people exist just as fully and consequentially as they do, that others have wants and needs as well as them. Those who perhaps somehow believe that everyone else in the world was put there just for their amusement and employ. Of course, I speak of no-one in particular.
There are people who believe the world owes them a living. There are people who want to be like this but just can't quite cut it. And there are those who live for everyone else. How does this happen? Is it inbuilt, or is it social conditioning, instilled in us by our families from an early age. Is the eldest in a family more likely to take, whilst the youngest is raised to share and give? Perhaps it is more complicated than that.
Selfishness is a funny thing. We are all selfish to some extent - that episode of Friends where Joey tells Phoebe that there is no such thing as an unselfish act is surprisingly spot on. Whether it be for personal happiness, professional advance, or even just to assuage our own Catholic sense of guilt - he's right. Or at least, it's very hard to think of one.
Personally I find selfishness easier to take in others if they so it unself-consciously. Yet it annoys me more than anything when people use it as a self-contained excuse. "Sorry, I was being selfish." That is not an excuse, it's a description. I maintain - we are all selfish, it's just that some of us are more ready to yielf to the selfishness of others. But why? To satisfy our own sense of martyrdom? I am guilty of that to some extent - of course, there is a practical level at which I know certain chores need to get done, but I am useless at asking for help - perhaps because I would rather have the satisfaction afterwards of having done it all alone. Being hard done by. It's a luxury of those who have never really been hard done-by - a bit like rich people saying money doesn't buy happiness. I'm not saying it's the answer to everything - but it makes the process of figuring out what is a damn sight easier.
So I joined this writing course, and from it, a splinter writers' group. And lo and behold, what do I find, within just a few short months. Everyone is posting their assignments merrily every couple of weeks - but for the last 4, only 1 other person has bothered to feed back on mine. I, of course, have fed back on everyone else's each time, however laborious that can feel. Which is does to some extent because let's face it, we are all in it for ourselves. Some of them provide very good reading and are a pleasure to work on - others feel like homework. But why is it that these other people feel no guilt in just taking all the feedback and giving none back? We are all there for the same reasons.
Of course this is just a small, petty example. And perhaps labelling everything others do in their own interests as selfishness is too pejorative. After all, we can't help being the centre of our own universes - I suppose it stems from the fact that, from the moment we are born, most of us are lucky enough to suddenly become the centre of someone else's. It stands to reason that rubs off; just a little.
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